I'll bet you didn't know you have different kinds of friends.
There's your bubblegum friends, who have no nutritional value and lose their flavor after about fifteen minutes.
Then there are your arsenic friends. In small doses, they do nothing. In large quantities, they will kill you.
Then there are your intravenous friends, that you could completely and utterly live off of.
Then there are your hangnail friends. They're annoying, but they hurt too much to get rid of.
In retrospect, one of my former best friends was a hangnail friend. However, a certain whorish boy vehemently denied this fact, saying:
"No, no... s/he was like... a gangrenous limb friend. It's gotta come off... but it's your arm, for heaven's sake. You know?"